Surviving Without You

pinkngreenstars @ 2004-06-22T21:13:00

2004-06-23T01:14:04Z

There is no more Miss goody-two-shoes Katie! All that shit is over with. I don't give a fuck about no one!

"tell a lie, say you're wearing womens underware"...SHREK2

2004-05-26T01:03:17Z

I just bummed around today. It was fun. I slept in...kinda. Then took an afternoon nap til I had to go to work. I can't believe the cruise is only in a couple of days. Wow! Four days of fun in the sun. This is the agenda:
Friday: arrive at noon and lay by the pool, eat dinner with the family, go to the club and get wasted (I'm 18, I can drink on the cruise! yay)
Saturday: Wake up lay by the pool, walk around the place we stop and buy souviners (froggies), see a movie with my brother and fernanda, go to the club and drink more!
Sunday: Wake up, walk around the island we are at and buy stuff, tan on the beach, eat dinner with the family, sleep
Monday: get home, sleep
hehe. I can't wait its goign to be so much fun I know it. The best part is I'm all by myself and I don't have anyone but myself to please.
Tomarrow I am going shopping. I got $700 for gradution and I think I need to go shopping. hehe.
Oh yeah, Jorgie is mad at me! Sorry babe, but i told you just because I'm 18 doesn't mean I'm going to help you out. I can't do that. I'm sorry sweetheart.

When love is true, you just feel it

2004-05-25T00:25:02Z

Last wed. I was amlost the stupidest person in the world. I can't believe the thoughts that went through me head. I almost made the same mistake for the 3rd time. I'M SO DUMB. But I stopped myself and I am so glad I did. If I was stpid enough to do it then I might as well be killed.
Today was the best, Luis and I went to the beach for the day. Sometimes I forget that he is my boyfriend like I just think whatever then I look at him and realize that I am actually sitting next to Luis Melendez...last year when I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore I thought that was it, it was over I lost my shot with him. But now we've been together 2 1/2 months and he still takes my breat away when I look at him. I've never been so comfortable around him. His made me more open, more carefree. Around im I feel like I can do anything. Well anyway, we went to the beach, played in the water for awhile then took a long walk where we both got so burnt. But we had fun, then we went back to his house and went swimming for like an hour and then I wanted to go home because I am beat, now here I am.
Friday I leave for my cruise. yay! I am so excited but, then at the same time i am goingto miss luis so much. 4 days with out him, ahhhh! I don't know what I'm gonna do! I might go insane. I was thinking about this the other night. I think i have found the love of my life. Someone I can spend hours and days with and never get bored of. I love him so much, with out him...I dunno what I'd do.

"Why you gotta go and make things so complicated?"

2004-05-18T14:41:00Z

Sigh, dammit! things got too complicated. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Luis and I were supposed to get together and then we would be happy forever. But what happened was we got together and had to start woring 2 jobs to help out his parents. So now I hardly ever see him and it makes me sad. But thats not the complicated part, I'm fine with that, sometims i get upset, but i have my friends so whatever. The complicated part is...well I can't really write about it. Its just i slipped and told one of my friends i had a huge crush on him in the beginning of the year and now things between him and i got wierd. And I don't know what to do.
Well anyways I have to go shoe shopping for graduation...i hate heels!
Love you!

I'm bored

2004-05-14T00:48:08Z

You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking
for a relationship. You cannot live without it.
Your lover must be passionate and you want
that you and your partner melt into each other.
He/She should not try to take the domination .
You dont want a relationship without passion,
and the sexuality plays a big part. The first
moment you meet him/her is one of the most
important. There has to be something between
you , you cannot explain. From the first moment
on everything must fix. But when this passion
disappears you disappear to. For you it is
better to leave than to see your love
restrained.

href="http://quizilla.com/users/coreina/quizzes/%09~THE%20big%20LOVE%20TEST!!%20What%20do%20you%20need%3F%20With%20PICS!%20For%20girls%20and%20boys!~/"> ~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~</a>
brought to you by Quizilla

obsessive compulsive

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're bubblegum!!! You love to have a good time,
and enjoy being around others who feel the same
way. You tend to be the life of the party, and
people like to be around you as much as they
can.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You won't have to ask if I still care `Coz as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all

2004-05-12T23:43:51Z

I didn't go to 1st or 2nd again today, instead I went to Luis' again. I had fun, like always. We didn't fall asleep today we just talked and goffed around. He's my dork! We made the same stupid decision again that we did yesterday. Only today it had a hilarious, yet scary outcome. hehe. You have no idea! So anyways then I went to school in the middle of 3rd again, talked to Jon, the kid who sits behind me. We started talking about old crushes and I told him how in the beginning of the school year I had a crush on him. He said he thought I was cute, but didn't think I was his type. Well now we are in relationships. Him and his girlfriend are sooo cute! But anyways, that was funny. After school I went to Luis' again. He is so dorky, and I love him so much. He is so cute.
MOnday I had my birthday "party". It was just a bunch of friends came over and we hung out ate pizza and cake and just whatever. It started with just Kevin, Luis, Danni, and me. But by the end of the night it was Kevin, Luis, Danni, Nicole, Armando, Minority (Ashley), Jon, JT, Tory, Alex, David, Buck, My brother, and Fernanda. WOW! So yeah that was an interesting night. The REAL party is gonna be over the summer. We're gonna see if Luis' cousin can get us a hotel room and some alcohol....yeah buddy, gonna get FUCKED UP! hehe.
School ends friday! GOOD! I'M OVER IT! I can't wait.
Well I'm gonna go. I'll talk to you later.
I Luv Luis! hehe

"We probably shouldn't be doing this....oh well."

2004-05-12T00:50:52Z

Wow, today was filled with bad decisions. haha. Well I'll give the short version. Woke up this morning, I think I had a fever. I had to go to third though because I had to present my final. So I was on my way to school and I made a detour to Luis' just to say hi to my baby. And because his last day is tomarrow he was sleeping in til third. hehe, so of course I slept in with him. We slept til about 8:45 and he took a shower and I layed in his bed just kinda drifting in and out. Well somehow I dunno, I ended up not getting to school til 10:15 eeeek! But thank god I still got to do my presentation. At lunch I hung out with Jorgie :), he always makes me smile. I'm glad he is one of my friends, he really is a great guy. hehe he made me feel dumb with his am I touching you trick. I'm a blonde what can I say! Well after school I went back to Luis' house. hehe. I really love him so much. Friday is 2 months! He is taking me out to dinner and a movie then out AGAIN on saturday. I love him! He called me today and left a message on my answering machine saying he just wanted to tell me he loved me just in case I forgot. He got a new job, he is excited, I am happy for him he is gonna be making like $200 a week almost! wow my baby is gonna be rich and be able to get all the stuff for his car that he needs. And he has an interveiw with a college tomarrow. I am so excited for him, all this great stuff is coming to him. yay. And my dad is starting to be nice. Well see what happened was my dad freaked out and said he got scared because I was gonna be 18 and I was gonna start looking at guys to marry and have kids with. LUIS AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 2 MONTHS!! holy cow man. But I have to admit I am so happy with him, and in a year or so, yeah I would marry him no doubt. I really love him, you guys have no idea! he just makes me soooooooooo happpy! Yay. I have a huge smile on my face now. I can't wait til tomarrow when i get to be in his arms again. well i have to go practice my sign language final!
bye!

Just random venting

2004-05-08T22:06:06Z

Things have been confusing with me and a lot of people lately. I don't know where things are going. High school is ending and I'm getting pretty excited. I can't wait until its all over. I can't wait to be 18 and live my own life. I want to move out of my house. Luis and I talked about it, I don't think he was serious but I was. I can' live here anymore. I think I seriously hate my dad. I think if I ever moved out I probably wouldn't ever talk to him again. My mom, she finally grew balls and learned to stand up to him and what he is doing to me, but she's still scared of him. I just want out of here. Its so unfair, because I'm a girl I get treated like shit. I wish I could fast forward my life 4 years from now. I'd be living with Luis, maybe getting married, I'd be settled in a good job, so will he. I dunno the future looks so much better than right now. My dad is just trying to ruin everything and its emotionally drainning me. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm gad I have Luis and his mom though, they have been so supportive. His mom is so sweet I wish i could find a way to thank her for being such a great person to me, and helping me through this. She is just wonderful. Well I have to go. I think I might have strep throat or soemthing like that. My thraot is KILLING me. I just want to take a nap.

So...Its been awhile...

2004-05-05T23:06:32Z

Well lets see. Last night was the worst night of my life. I have never cried so hard, and been so scared before. I was actually shaking and hyper ventalating and all that shit. All because I thought I was going to lose Luis. See this is what went down. Luis barrowed my year book and my dad flipped out on me saying I was inconciderate, selfish, and shit like that. OVER A YEARBOOK! Then Luis gets here and he starts yelling at him that he treats me like shit, when Luis is the best guy I've ever dated and acts the most like a gentlemen around me, but whatever! So my dad is talking out his ass not know what he is saying and I couldn't take it anymore so me and Luis left. We went to the eckards parking lot by my house and I started to ball! I really truely thought i was going to lose him. I thought I was going to get home and my dad was going to say that I couldn't see him anymore. We went back to Luis' house and he started to cry a little too. We just sat there and held eachother for a long time and I cried. Long story short I got home and my parents yelled some more but never said I couldn't see Luis. I was so happy I didn't car how long i was in trouble I still got to be with him and thats all I care about. They can take my car, my money, and everything I have, but as long as Luis is in my life I am happy. Luis and I are coming up on our 2month...kinda. Its weird I haven't gotten bored or annoyed with im yet. I still flirt with him and pick on him and try to make him laugh and he does the same thing. We have the same relationship I always wished I had when I was with Jimmy. He always makes me laugh and smile. We never run out of things to talk about. Tyler says we are so right for each other because we are huge dorks. Oh well, I'd rather be dorky with someone than miserable. And I love our dorky relationship. I love him and I couldn't imagaine ever hurting him, he is so precious to me.

JORGE IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND BY THE WAY I just wanted to add that. He saved my ass yesterday and I can't thank him enough. He is wonderful and such a great friend. I love you Jorgie. Thank you again...I owe you!

NO TITLE

2004-04-25T22:37:47Z

I don't know where to start. Things have been going at like 700 miles an hour lately. I spend everday with Luis and I can't begin to explain how much fun I have with him. Its like we can just be sitting there not saying a word watching a movie and this feeling of utter happiness comes over me. I feel so loved when i am in his arms. Sometimes he can make me laugh so hard I am going to pee my pants. Like the other night we were in his room watching tv ad his dog came in jumping around and biting and stuff so Luis started yellign at the do "Rusty! You're such a cock block! Yeah you...asshole, bitch, your mother was a bitch...get off the bed shaba shaba!" I was laughing so hard because the dog was just laying there looking at him out of the corner of his eye and didn't budge. It was so funny.
Thursday I went to Point with Luis, Tyler and Kevin. Luis, Kevin and I hide from Tyler we kept going up to the roof then running down to the game area then back again like 3 times. I met the manager Mike who needed a "sex change" i think. And Bob who gave me free fries. It was fun.
Fridy I saw 13 going on 30 just Luis and I. It was good. It was us and like 5 other people so we found a row of seats and i just laid in his arms. It was kinda roamntic...considering we were in a movie theater. I met his ex...ahhh she is so ugly. Even her new boyfriend said I look better then her. Thats kind of said really. But he said she was a bitch and really ugly so Luis will be holding on to me for awhile. I'm glad! I really like him and i DO NOT want to lose him. Unlike I did with Jimmy I am going to everything in my power to make sure I do not lose him. He means everything to me. I love him so much. I don't know how i ever lived with out him.

Everything is OK in the end, if its not OK then its not the end

2004-04-25T00:01:08Z

Life has been crazy! I can't believe how fast these last couple weeks of high school are going. Last monday I went on a "field trip" with all the athletic trainers, it was so much fun. I haven't laugh so hard in I don't know how long. I had such a great time. I missed hanging out with those people during football.
Luis and I are doing wonderful. I have never been so intreged by someone. I learn something new everyday about him. And our relationship is so innocent. We are taking things SUPER slow and I love it! He makes me laugh so hard and then other times we have conversations that make me feel like he knows me way too well. And he does. He knows when I'm sad or mad with out me saying anything at all to him. We have spent every single day together for over a month and a half and i still get butterflies everytime I see him. I am just so in love with him, no one would understand.
But anyway you guys don't really care about the gooy details of my life so I'm gonna go.I am so happy now and I finally feel like everything I have ever wanted is falling into place. I don't want anything to change from how it is right now. I love life and i love me...

NO SCHOOL FOR ME TODAY!

2004-04-19T11:03:23Z

HAVE FUN AT SCHOOL CAUSE I WON'T BE THERE.

when i get time im goin to have LONG update there is so much i need to say...

Spending too much time thinking

2004-04-13T23:07:19Z

This really isnt important

People are funny. Well no correction, people aren't funny. They are back stabbing and un trust worthy. I used to think I had a few friends who would always be there for me. And by few I mean one of two. But it seems like eventhose people don't really care anymore. And I guess at the sametime although I try to still care, it seems I don't anymore. I can only name one person who even after years of not talking I can call her up and tell her anything. She had been there almost my whole life and I love her to death. Then there are my new friends who are great guys, but out of the 8 I can only think of two who if things got bad with me and luis or I really needed a friend they'd be there for me. I sucks thogh because I can ask any of these people who I know won't be there at anytime for me and they would say of course they would. Its so stupid. Just be honest. Its fine though because after high school, after college where ever I am, who ever I'm with these three people are the only ones who matter. I don't need the girl that sits with me at lunch or in 4th period to be there for me or care that much about my life. THese people with huge groups of friends who think those people are always going to be there are wrong, you'll see in 5 years it will be you and one maybe two other people still there for you.
Next topic, Luis. I'm just going to write so sorry if I sound cheesy or offend anyone. I like him a lot. More than I ever thought I would. After Jimmy and i broke up I thought it would take me forever to find someone i would care about but I found Luis and the effect he has on my life is amazing. Its like i have never loved before, like all these feeling with him are so new and I like it. I like that I can be dumb, ignorant, ditzy me. I can laugh and be goofy. I can open up and tell him everything I don't hold back with him. Sometimes when we are just laying there holding each other and he tells me how much he likes me its like this feeling I get like I don't know how to explain it. I can't describe it. Its just so good to hear that the person you have all these feelings for is feeling the same way. He understands me and we can talk for hours about everything. We have so much in common and we are on the same level. I love being with him because when he is around I am a totally different person then what everyone else sees. He has changed me. I used to hate PDA and telling someone how you feel but with him I just can't get enough of him. I love kissing him every chance I get or holding his hand and hugging him as tight as I can. He takes me breath away when he looks in my eyes. We've only been dating for not even a month, and been official for shorter than that. But he is different than anyone I have ever been with. I think he is special and i think we will be together for a very long time. Maybe not forever, its too soon to tell but I know I am going to fall for him and its going to be hard!

Haha...you'll regret it...

2004-04-11T00:15:17Z

Crap! Jason got caught today. His dad is pissed. I mean his dad is a freaking cop. He called me at like 6 and told me he needed me to come over so I rushed to his house. When i got there he looked like he was going to cry! His lip was a quivering and it was so sad. I feel terrible for him. He is so innocent. I know it sounds funny, but he is a sweet heart. I love that kid. But I'm gonna go back over tonight because I promised him I would just in case his dad is ripping him apart again. Everyone mekes mistakes, I wish his parents weren't so hard on him. Poor guy.
So I dyed my hair blonde yesterday. $80! Stupid expert hair dyers! lol. Its cool my guy was gay and he was sooo funny! My hair took forever though. I've never had it professionally done b4. But it looks so nice. I love it.
Work today sucked. The people there (excluding RAY) are pissing me off big time! THey keep trying to screw me over. But I said a big fat FUCK YOU to them and put my foot down. Actually I complained to Ray and he told them a big fat FUCK YOU. hehe. If you call the store now my voice is on the answering machine. hehe.
Oh so 1 month til my birthday (May 10th) and 1 month and 18 days til the cruise. Hello hotties! hehe I can't wait.

Hey look at the date...1 month!

2004-04-09T15:54:47Z

Good Friday...skipped again. I hate school. Everyday I am late and I've been skipping a whole bunch. I just don't see the point. I don't do anything in 4 out of 5 of my classes. Why even go? Sign Language is a joke. Me, Becky, Danni, and Nicole are always getting yelled at. What the fuck! Oh well maybe we'll get kicked out again for good.
My parents are being assholes. They are being tough on me because their little girl is growing up. So what! I'm 17 my curfew is 9:30 on school nights and 12 on weekends. THats a joke! Whatever next week their in Vegas, I'll be spending the night at "jessie's" and I'll be having a fucking great time.
1 months till I'm 18. HOLLER! hehe. I can't wait. I'll be a fuckign adult and my parents can't say shit about it anymore. Hell yeah!
Luis and I are doing great! He is wonderful. With all the shit that is going on right now he is the best thing I have. He is just wonderful to me. Its weird how you see someone one way then when you take a closer look they are so different. I think he will end up being the best boyfriend I have ever had. I dunno its like everything I tried to make Jimmy be, Luis is. Maybe thats why I've always been so drawn to him. Did you know its funny all through high school we have hung out with the same friends, sat and had classes tigh near each other and its just now that we are meeting. Its funny how things work out. Its like fate was waiting for the perfect time to bring him into my life. I think if I had met him sooner I wouldn't have appreciated him as much. Well I'm going to dye my hair. haha. See you all later!

"Its gonna be called the Katie drift now" --Luis

2004-04-07T01:17:36Z

I drove a 5speed yesterday and didn't stall, not even once. I'm so excited about getting me integra!

Next Wed...the 14th yippie! What am I going do do? Its been so long since this happened...

"I've found a reason to show A side of me you didn't know A reason for all that I do"

2004-04-05T00:34:39Z

Friday was so much fun! Senior skip day baby! First I went to Denny's with Danni and Catlin and that was so much fun. Then we went to Flips house. That was hilarious. His brothers or whatever they are are pretty cool. At 10 Luis got called out of school so I went to his house and we feel asleep. Its was nice to hang out with him. I think things are getting serious with us. I have so much fun with him and he TALKS to me. We just talk for hours and hours. We just have so much in common and its great hanging out with him. But anywayz I went to work at 330-4 and made $20 just for showing up. hehe. At night I went to Luis' again and I think we made things official. Yay! I've been waiting for him to ask me out for awhile now.
Saturday I worked til 5 then I went to Danny's and then to dinner with Luis and his dad. His dad is so adorable. After dinner we went back to his house and watched some japanese thing on Spike TV funny!
Today not much happened I went to work and came home. fun.

So I forgot to mention that awhile ago when Luis and I drove up to Bithlo on the way back this song came on it was weird. We both got really quiet and just listened to the words. Neither of us ever said anything about our "moment" but friday Luis told me that the song reminded him of us. How like we were two completely different people in our last relationship then we are now. Its the truth though, I've never laughed and smiled so much. And I never felt this comfortable with anyone. Most of all I've never felt this was before...he's really changed who i am and its amazing to me. There's parts in the song that say I "hurt you" the reason the pertains to us is I've liked Luis since last Jan. and he's liked me. But for some reason I stayed with Jimmy knowing that I had feelings, DEEP feelings for Luis. And it hurt him and me that we stayed with our ex's for so long instead of breaking up with them for each other. But I'm glad I finally got the courage to because no one has ever treated me the way he does. He is everything I was looking for to begin with. Nothing about him would i ever change!

THE REASON -- HOOBASTANK
I'm not a perfect person
Theres many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Friends are the best...

2004-03-29T22:47:18Z

I'm so glad I have such great friends. They really made me forget everything this weekend. Here is the recap:
FRIDAY NIGHT Tyler and I went to the mall and walked around for awhile. Yippie. He's a sweetheart I had a lot of fun with him. He makes me laugh. Then we went to Kevins but he wasn't home, so we went to Luis' where Luis, Tyler, Jessie, Kevin, Chris, Jason and I hung out til midnight and I went home.
SATURDAY I worked during the day and Tyler and Luis stopped by to say hi. At night I went to get my cell phone fixed then Tyler called and told me to come over. So I went to his house and we hung out for awhile then went to Danny's house. I met Danny's cousin and he has such a nice car! OMG! Luis and I got in a fight but worked it out. Danny taught me to play Cricket and then we played frisbee in the middle of the road til 11 and I went home.
SUNDAY we were supposed to all go to the beach but everyone cancelled on Luis and I. So Me LUis and Kevin went to breakfast then to Jason's for a little while. Around 12 we ended up at Luis' where Jessie and I (we picked her up sometime during the day) tanned. Luis Kevin and Tyler cleaned the pool but it was too cold so the guys went to Target and bought a Kiddie pool. hehe it was so funny. The 5 of us in a tiny pool. Then around 3 after we were all burnt Jason came over and I tried on his jump suit. hehe it made my ass look HUGE! Kevin went home at 330 because he had to go to work. Then Jessie and Tyler and Jason sat by the pool and talked and I went inside to take a nap. Luis and I ended up having a long serious talk about everything. I love that he is my best friend. He always makes me feel better. He is such a great guy I am glad I have him in my life.
TODAY I went to luis' after school like everyday and we went to pick up Tyler, I was hungry so we went to McDonalds and George, Tommy, George's gf, some megan girl and Vicki were there so we all sat together. Luis said Vicki and I look alike. hehe. I peed on myself, not really Tyler made me laugh really hard and I spit my drink on myself. hehe.
NEVER A DULL MOMENT.
Today I also went to Jorge's house to me the notebook! HE BETTER REMEMBER TO BRING IT TOMARROW OR I AM GOING TO BE UPSET...I COULDN'T FIND WHEN I WENT SEARCHING THROUGH YOUR ROOM, HEHE, I COULDN'T FIND MY PIG EITHER BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT. I NEED THOSE QUOTES AND THE POEM JORGIE!
Well thats all. I'm gonna do. Love you guys!

"I love you more than words can say,
I love you more each and everyday,
when were together its so much fun
because your a million things roled into one."

"It is good when he is just your boyfriend...but it is better when he is your best friend too."

Who's the dirty slut?

2004-03-27T14:23:57Z

The last few days have been interesting. I've done a complete 180 since the last time I last wrote in here. Last time I missed Jimmy now I don't care if I never see his face again. I found out that dispite me asking a million times if he was doing ANYTHING behind my back that would upset me and he told me he wasn't he was calling another girl that he worked with. I guess everytime we had a fight he would call her up and talk to her for hours. I know i cheated on him but it was when we were first together and I admitted to it after confronting him he still lies about it so that makes me think there was something else going on to maybe there was other girls other than her. I don't know. I don't care I'm glad I broke up with when I did. I knew there was something going on, it was that "womens intuition". So whatever. I was going to stop writing in livejournal to but I like livejournal it lets me vent. So I'm staying.
I am on the hunt for a good guy now. Anyone know anyone? I want him my age or older, cute, funny, sweet, masculine, and smart (common sense!). Last night Tyler and I went to the mall guy hunting. Okay well we went to the mall so I can get a bikini for the beach sunday, but tyler was trying to hook me up with everyone. Its funny. So then after I found the perfect bathing suit (it looks so hot on me even my mom said so hehe, I'll take pics tomarrow) we went to George's house then left and went to Luis' where we pretended to be stoned. hehe. That was Tylers idea, what a fag!
So yeah tomarrow, guy hunting on the beach! I need a hottie. lol. I have to wrok I'll talk to you guys later!

Sorry I hurt you

2004-03-24T01:07:24Z

Sorry, is a hard word to say,
When you know of the games your emotions play.
Why does it have to hurt so deep,
With all the tears inside you weep.
To you I am so sorry, for all the word's I said,
Words that hurt you, and were wrongfully lead.
I never meant to do this, It was such a bad mistake,
But it kept getting deeper with each step I seemed to make.
Finally, it's all out in the open and our eyes can see,
What was totally misleading and not what it was to be.
I have no excuses for the pain I have caused you,
Only sorrow in my heart as the pain is so true.
Maybe one day, you can forgive me, and say hello once more,
But, I understand the pain, as I slowly shut the door.
I shut the door to our friendship, and to this fantasy,
A dream I had of being someone other than me.
I hurt you, and I will always feel that pain,
In the bottom of my heart, there will always be this stain.

I'm just venting

2004-03-24T00:44:59Z

Last night I went to bed early, okay not really went to bed but just laid thier for awhile and thought. I am more terrified then I have ever been in my whole life. I'm all alone now. I have no one, and to me that is scary. For the last year and a half I've had someone to lean on when things got rough, now...I'm all by myself. Sure I have friends but its different when you have that one person that you've grown so close to and you really trusted them with everything. It hurts like nothing else when all you can do is cry and there is no one there anymore.
I feel terrible for everything I ever did to Jimmy. I feel bad about Luis and I feel bad about Jorge. I should have never done that to him. He was a great guy and a super boyfriend. I know I will never find a guy as perfect as he was. But as great as he was in everything he did I couldn't help that the feeling wasn't there. I am sorry I stayed with him so long while I didn't want to be. I knew I would hurt him and I loved him and I didn't want to hurt him. I still don't want to hurt him, even after its too late I hate knowing he is hurting. It kills me inside. I hate that he won't talk to me anymore, not that I blame him but for the longest time he was the only one I had and he knew how to make me feel better. I miss him.
I'm sorry you all think I am heartless and cruel. I'm not...I just couldn't do it anymore while being so unhappy. I tried I really did. So many times people told me to break up with him because I was unhappy but he was great guy and I just couldn't hurt him like that. I know I'm a hypocrite.
Jimmy talked to me today...I was so happy that he did. I wish he would say more to me. But I know that I lost my chance at ever being his friend again. I just want to let you all know that just because I don't post it all over live journal I am hurting inside. Its the worst pain in the world. I'm sorry to everyone...

I know I'm a big loser for doing this but the results were scary!

2004-03-20T22:48:59Z

How true, How True!

♥Katie and ♥Luis

Are rumoured to have adopted a genius child.
Pretend to kiss.
Harbour intense love for each other.

Orchestrated by ianiceboy

Well not the intense love, but the pretend to kiss how funny since Jimmy is making up stories that I made out with Luis right in front of him...

♥Katie and ♥Jimmy

May one day adopt four superior kids.
Resent having to kiss occasionally.
Picnic incessantly.

Orchestrated by ianiceboy

That one speaks for its self...

Bored, my spring break reflection...

2004-03-20T02:57:08Z

This week has been fun. I wish spring break wasn't over yet. I can't wait til summer its going to be so much fun. I missed having a huge group of friends to hang out with. I mean its fun to hang out with that one person that you feel comfortable around like I did with Jimmy. But its totally different to have 8 to 10 people to hang out with almost everynight.
This week I've also been doing a lot of thinking. And I decided I need to change. I need to look at the way I treat people, mostly the people I care about the most. Sometimes its like I try to do everything in my power to hurt the people I care about the most, not intetionally, just I try to show them I'm not hurting and I'm not dying inside but at the sametime it seems all I do is seem like a bitch.
Anyone who knows me knows I don't like to show how I feel. It makes me feel weak and not in power, if I tell you how I feel I get scared and I distance myself. I don't like to let people in and I guess thats where I went wrong with Jimmy and I.
I did love him. He was my first love, and it was a true love. It was both our faults that it fell apart, he had his flaws too, but I know mine and I am changing those. I can't help if I found a new best friend. I'm sorry it hurts him that I found a new best friend, but I'm not insensitive. I loved him and there is no way I've moved on that quick.
I guess you guys will believe what you want I can fight my side all day but I'll get no where.
I wish this week wasn't over, I don't want to go back to high school. I'm sick of the drama. I want to get out and live in the real world where people aren't so preoccupied with who said what about whom. People care about themselve and don't give a shit about the person sitting next to them.

pinkngreenstars @ 2004-03-19T18:00:00

2004-03-19T23:13:06Z

Last night and today were fun. Last night around 730 I went over to Kevins house. I guess Kevin told Luis he liked me so I was a little uneasy going there, but I went because I was bored. Kevin was playing with his new car. It won't start, haha, we had to push start it. Everyone to turns driving around the block with him, except me I didn't want to be alone in a car with him. Scary! After that we went inside and played Dominoes, well the other guys did. I watched. Kevin's dad tried to put ice down the back of my shirt but Luis saved me. hehe. Danny, Tyler, little Kevin, and Cashief kept playing but the rest of us went out side (George, Brian, George's gf, Luis, and Kevin) Kevins mom was playing with the car alarm and kept setting it off. It was funny. Then we went and stood in the middle of the road when Jason came on his bike, haha! I went home at 10 because I'm getting sick. This morning I woke up at 10 and luis picked me up at like 1130, we went to get my check then to my parents office. We went to get Tyler so the two of them could get thier hair cut but edwin called so we drove out to Haines City to get him. We got back around 230 and Luis and Tyler went to the hair place. Edwin and I went over the gas station. We left there at 330 and went to Luis's house and ate. Luis brought me home at 5 and he went to work. I might go over to Kevins again tonight, it all depends on what happens.
PS: I wasn't making out with Luis...And I think its pretty fucked up that Jimmy is calling me a whore and a slut because I am friends with someone. Sorry that he happens to be the same guy you hate, but he is one of my best friends (NOTHING MORE). Whatever, grieve in your own way, but calling me a slut and a whore is not really in your best interest...you're pissing a lot of people off, you can go ahead and keep doing it but I'd watch your back. I was not making out with Luis...

I just wrote a huge entry and it didn't save! ahhhh!

2004-03-18T17:16:45Z

okay lets try this again. Yesterday started out boring but ended on a wonderful note. At 930 my dad went to work and Luis came over. We just sat around talking about everything. Its so nice to talk to him, its so different with him. We can just talk about anything and everything. I haven't been to bed before 2:00 since last sunday because of talking to him all night. I just feel like he understands me and we have so much in common. But anyway I found out he hats going on dates and taking people out he'd rather hang out with friends in a big group. So of course I told him he was gonna take me out. So he did! He picked me up at 630 after I got home from work and met my parents. My parents absoloutly loved him! Maybe because he was my age and they have wanted me to date someone my own age for awhile now. But thet liked him and my brother thought his car was nice, hehe, boys! We went and saw secret window the movie with Johnny Depp, don't see it it sucked! After the movie we went to the parking garage and saw this really nice dark blue camero, my dream car! But som really ugly guy was driving. We stayed in the parking garage for like an hour and a half talking. I determined he was gay! lol. But anyways he's really not! He took me home at 1130, the night was fun. I like hanging out with him.
This morning I went to the doctor. My mom thinks I'm anorexic because I've lost 6lbs since monday. oops! oh well. I have to go back dec. 2nd for another check up. Being sick sucks. But the good news is I'm not dying.
Well I am going to lay in my back yard and tan. Oh yeah I am getting a 96' special edition Integra. I should have it by the summer, if not by Sept! My daddy said so. I am so excited! My cars gonna kick your cars ass!